Pearls before (I) whine

• The title might not make much sense to everyone. So what? Names of Chapters do not always match the content either.
• Everything in life can be explained by either a flowchart or a 2-dimensional graph.
• Subjects like Strategic Management & Information Technology are not completely useless after all. They help increase your bullshit tolerance (BST)
• High BST is important in life. It helps certain TV programmes on MTV survive.
• There is no such thing as correct grammar. Try reading ICAI publications.
• Sometimes you need an illness to make you appreciate the wonder that is coconut water.
• Varun Gandhi who?
• Logging on to Facebook after a whole week can be very satisfying. Gives you the feeling of reclaiming your 'non virtual' life, becoming more 'socially configured'!
  

Mumbai is dying. Long live Mumbai.

My city has become scary. I want to yell my wrath out. I want to weep endlessly.

I don't want to hear Mr. CM declare 'we had information but it was not direct information.' I don't want Mr. Advani's futile presence in my city. I don't want Mr. Modi's crore. I don't want hon'ble Mr. Singh's 'strong words'. I want people not to come out & camp at rescue operation sites.

I want martyrs revived. I want Mr. Karkare back. I want innocent people to at least finish their meal before they meet their deathly fate. I want bullet-proof jackets that actually work. I want Moshe reunited with his parents. Irrational? What has been rational in the last 4 days anyway?

I want to appeal to all Indians & foreign nationals alike, daunting as it might be, to revisit & reunite with the phenomenal legacy that is the Taj Mahal Palace. For if we don't rebuild & embrace the Taj, terror wins. I want to spare a thought for the first 56, seemingly forgotten, who got killed at CST.

I don't want to hate that 21 year old. I want to make him fall in love with Maximum City - so much that it alters his meddled brain, so much that it fills him with overpowering remorse for what he has done to it, so much that it makes him cry. Did he not once see the beauty of the Taj, the grandeur of the Gateway by night? Did he not once feel like other 21 year olds at Leo's? Hell, wasn't that backpack too heavy? Wait. I'm talking crazy again, aren't I? What has managed to even border the limits of sanity in the last 4 days anyway?

I am not terrorised. I have retained my spirit but it certainly has been dampened. Empty local trains, empty offices, quiet colleges, bloodied railway platforms, bullet cases & grenade shells strewn about my city's streets. I am not resilient. No one is. I will not move on. This time, no one will.

I want to dine at the Golden Dragon someday. I don't want to 'wonder what that sound was' when I hear firecrackers, scooters, stray dogs playing with empty plastic bottles. I don't want my mother to be worried every time I step out, in my home city.

Enough. I want peace in Mumbai. Godspeed.


PS: Quote of the season - "Mr. Terrorist, I'm alive. What can you do? Mr. Politician, I'm alive despite you. I'm a Mumbaikar."

Bloody Wednesday..

"..their point is to terrorize people. But I am not terrorized, and you can't be terrorized" - Mariane Pearl, wife of slain journalist Daniel Pearl

I'm tired of asking why. I'm tired of watching the news for so long. I'm shocked all this is being tagged 'mundane' because it is happening a time too many. This has to stop!

Our city is not a battleground, you know? We won't let it be. Tears. Blood. Bullets. Grenades. In the streets we walk on? At the tables we dine at? In the trains we hop?

I do not hate the faces of terror that are splashed all over the dailies today. I do not hate their fanaticism, their selfishness, their madness because there's too much love in me - for my city & its people.

I drift away in thoughts of Mumbai, flipping through these old pictures of trains, the now cordoned Marine Drive, the now eerily empty Gateway, now ground zero for the war against terror - the Oberoi-Trident by night & the sea that brought to our shores bloody aimless violence.

Global financial crises, new age terrorism - arbit, brazen & shamelessly brutal. Is this the doom our grandparents told us tales of? Or is there yet more to come..?

Before new age terror changes the face of my Seven Islands, I pray for life, happiness & peace.

Please stop the madness!
Peace.

While you were sleeping..

Dear Sir,

Hope you've been fine. What's up? Not much, I hope! :D Haven't heard from you since your last visit to Bandra, so I thought I'd write in!

Its politics season, globally at that! This morning, I was reminded of the recent displays of factionalism in Mumbai when Anderson Cooper got the TV camera to pan across most of the state-wise stats of the Prez elections for more than 50 states of the US of A. It was fun to venture out to work that day, even as parts of Mumbai shuddered to acts of fanaticism. It was also fun to see a pattern unison in the voting stats - mass patches of blues for the Obama states. A black man just became President of the United States! Even I feel an inkling of excitement sitting so far away from the action! Don't you?

Ah! I almost forgot. I primarily am writing to you with regard to this matter. As a fellow Mumbaikar, I care for you & wish to express my concern. You see, the times they are a changing. If the greatest nation on earth can metamorphose enough to elect a black African-American as its Commander In Chief, it won't be long before our Seven Islands evolve into a truly cosmopolitan, diversity-respecting, peaceful society. We are seething with positivity & our horizons go beyond North India, all the way to Times Square. Then why can't you be so kind as to inspire people (youth, especially) to channelize their energies in directions of education, art & culture? So let's look at constructive acts & give peace a chance, yes?

And hey! I was wondering if you woke up early enough this morning to watch history being created in America. Like most folks I asked, I guess you weren't awake either. Everyone was too occupied in mundane things & some even got into petty fights in the bus to work this morning. But there are still some of us who wake up everyday & hope to see a better world; some of us who share the warmth of smiles with the people we share our amazing city with. There are still some of us ready, more than ever, for a change.. & a wave of change has already hit the West Coast, while you were sleeping..

Jai Hind. Jai Maharashtra. Jai Obama.

Vodafone Woes

(Lets forget all about inflation before reading this, yes?)

a.) This post is an outcome of the sudden break in the daily schedule. The fact that I had a Monday evening without class was so exciting, I didn’t even mind walking up to the Vodafone store to annoy them ‘happy to help’ kids!

b.) This ‘Monday evening at Vodafone store’ is not my idea of a fun-time off. But you see, when you’re paying through your nose for something as vital & essential to survival as text messaging, you don’t mind a 10 minute walk & a 40 minute wait (about which, we shall talk soon..)

I was actually doing something different this evening – different from the usual ‘class’ that is. I was walking to the Vodafone store. Okay, I'm over it now.

These guys are rip offs. The bill last month was a shocker. Ask my folks! It was about time I went to talk business with one of them Vodafone fellows and that was exactly what I intended to do. But like every girl on a mission, I had to battle it out – with the hordes who had incidentally planned on paying the store a visit at exactly the same hour.

Anyhoo, it was a relief to see a computerized, touch screen token generating machine at the doorstep. A very Matrix-esque backdrop it was – blinding white walls & the machine. Technology for the masses - I give credit where it is due. And then the time killing began. I couldn't help but frown at the staff who very gingerly, served with a smile. Well, again, the smiles were appreciated. But then again, they had better serve us with smiles – those smiles were burning holes in my Dad’s wallet you know.

This was my vengeance for having chosen Orange/ Hutch/ Vodafone. Somehow, after 294, 297 & 303 had all gone before me (292) the wait was over. As regards the injustice, probing into the matter proved futile. Weary, I walked to the appointed counter to hear the customer care executive say, as if having read my mind, “Sorry to keep you waiting (wide grin)”. An apology? Solace; momentary but solace nonetheless. I giggled in my head & managed a blasé smile – “That’s alright (not)”

Talking business was easy. This was the fun part. I bashed him & demanded a cheaper tariff plan. I probed into a scheme & smirked when I hit bull’s-eye & actually blurted out – “..so that’s the trick”. A little later, in realization of my shameless assertiveness, I toned down & settled for a scheme that I might term ‘slightly better’ than what I was living with for all these years.

The hour at the Vodafone store was worth the mindlessness of the initial 35 minutes & the engaging, almost bargain inducing 15 minutes at the customer-desk. I walked out, feeling a little empowered & a little guilty –
“I'm sorry God, I know it isn’t that guy’s fault that service providers are such rip offs. He just happened to be in my line of fire. Apologies.”

Text messaging will hopefully be taxing only on the thumb & a little easier on the pocket now. It is amazing how these network provider companies make mass-popats out of all, yes all of us! Then again; can’t live with them, can’t live without them!

PS: No more venting out anger in the next few posts. Promise. But while we're at it, can someone please make local trains emptier? The Churchgate fast is khachakhach crowded even at 1.30 in the afternoon!

One more thing - we need more 'Rock On!' like music in Bollywood. Not 'tujhe Aksa beach ghumaaon, aa chalti kya?'

And also, Splitsvilla must end. Period.

Cheers. Keedas. Peace.

Re: Anger management

• First, global warming, climate change & the universal crisis is all boo-huggie. Then, the poor ol' scientists & professors who proposed theories of a universal crisis, who drive around in economy class Santros & Swifts are penalised by sky-rocketing fuel prices and those who don't care two hoots about how much petrol their Z-Class Volkswagen guzzles up, drive around town (the air conditioning switched on, mind you) mocking at everyone who doesn't want to take his car to work today - courtesy price hike. Anyone ever heard of progressive taxation? How about using progressive pricing for the amiir baap ki bigdi hui aulaad? Why must the economising, level-headed man pay for the exorbitant petrol?
• Lock a bunch of girls desperate for a date with a wannabe Roadie in a huge house together & what do you get? Ans: A bunch of losers who would go no end to an appreciative gesture from a guy who was just some guy a couple of days ago. Sheesh - who knows these guys even now? Whatever happened to feminism & self-respect? Hell, I don't even know where to start making fun of this show! Die Splitsvilla. Period.
• I don't get eunuchs. Not all of the ones we see in trains & all are genuine, methinks. What is on their mind? "Look kid, I'm a man in woman's clothing. I rubbed my palms all over your head & blessed you with a good husband & a happy life. So give me your money. Now."
• As it is, the whole idea of 'working' in an 'office' is gradually seeming quite banal. To top that, when I do manage to waste time by colouring cells in MS Excel sheets in the colours of the flags of the countries playing Euro 2008, some random female/ male must, mandatorily peep at my monitor & give me the 'OMG you're wasting time!' look. Where is the love, people?
• I'll kill anyone who spreads her legs while seated in a local train, in order to occupy more space/ sit comfortably. I'll also assault anyone who litters. Ok, maybe I won't be that harsh. But that doesn't mean these kinda people don't enrage me!
• I had fond memories of the epic Mahabharata. You'll pay for this, Ekta K-kk-kkapoor.

Cheers. Keedas. Aaarrghh!